That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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