Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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