Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
