the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
