bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
