He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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