Your mouth is God's brothel.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
