Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
