after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
either way he was missing a nipple.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
