My friends, they love my intelligence
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im part way to drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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