i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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