i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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