**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
