You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
