please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
