i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
