Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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