it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
