Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
