last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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