i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
