Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
