i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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