i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize