you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she told me i tasted like america
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
