I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's official drugs can't kill me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
