carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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