The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just blew my weed a kiss
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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