Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dick very happy bro
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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