Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
