her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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