what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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