ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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