New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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