new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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