I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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