Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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