"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How external is "for external use only"?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
