she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
