I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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