tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
