i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
