she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
