I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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