we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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