three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
