Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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