I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
