Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
