did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
