I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
