I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
