All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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