my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
