i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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