She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
