I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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