apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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