The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize