At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
