It's Friday. Sex?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
