So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
