so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
