I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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