Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
