It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
