Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
