More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
