Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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