I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
