i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
two words...techno handjob
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize