Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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