The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
