I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
