So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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