Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
