You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
