She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
