Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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