someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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