i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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