I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize