so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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