The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
