dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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