the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize