Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
