its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
